Empathy

E M P A T H Y

By: AMAR FARUQ, S. Pd
(Master BK MIS Kemenag Gresik East Java Indonesian)

A. Empathy Limits

In simple terms, translated from the Empathy Empathy (bgs. UK) - refers to the ability of counselors to be able to feel, think and experience what is perceived, conceived and experienced by the counselee. Rogers (1989) states that empathy refers to the psychological condition that describes the counselor to accurately understand the feelings and personal meanings that are diamali by counselee and then communicate that understanding to the counselee. Other experts, Cormier & Cormier (1985) defines empathy as a form of ability to understand / grasp the counselee in accordance with the angle of view used by the counselee. At the highest level (in counseling), empathy refers to the counselor to enter the private world of the counselee so that she can clarify not only the feelings or thoughts are realized by the counselee but also unconscious. So to be able to empathize, first counselor should be able to enter the counselee's frame of reference, or put ourselves into the subjective world of the counselee.

B. The Role of Empathy in relationship counseling.

In general, communication of empathy in interpersonal relationships will improve the quality of that relationship. Quality can be characterized by several things, among others, is growing or meningkatanya mutual trust and a decline / disappearance of anxiety among individuals involved in the relationship.

Cormier & Cormier (1985) presents three objectives of communicating empathy in a counseling relationship. The first objective is to develop rapot (Rapport). Apot is a form of relationship that is characterized by the presence of an openness, honesty and trust. By communicating empathy, the counselee will develop an attitude of trust and open to the counselor. This attitude is very potential to encourage the counselee to talk about problems or problem-kesulitanya, feelings, thoughts, and actions openly and frankly. This openness of the course allows the counselor to obtain a lot of objective information about the problems being experienced by kenseli along with all aspects of development and background. The third goal, is to encourage self-exploration in the counselee. Counselee's willingness to discuss the problem openly and frankly course will facilitate exploration (disclosure) self. Of self-disclosure is the counselor will be able to know and understand not only the problems or difficulties counselee but also the potential (advantages) and weaknesses.

C. Forms - Forms of Empathy

Empathy can dikomunikasikanoleh counselor by verbal (using words or language) and non-verbal (using gestures). Here are explanations and examples of two such empathy.

1. Non Verbal Empathy

Counselors can communicate empathy through various forms of body signals that indicate or menyatakanadanya attention and understanding. Sightings of this important non-verbal behavior. At least to show to the counselee that the counselor is consistent and truly want to understand him. Counselee needs to have the perception that what was spoken by the counselor is not fake, and this can be captured by the counselee through non-verbal expressions counselor. In fact, although the counselor said "up, now tell me your troubles and I'll hear it," counseling may not be immediately trust him if counselors look the other way and / or chair leaned kesandaran so without lazy and uninterested. According to experts in the field of counseling, if the verbal and non verbal messages konstradiksi each other, the counselee will be more trust in non-verbal behavior of counselors (gazda, Asbury, Balzer, Childers & Walters, 1984). Here are some forms of non-verbal behavior that has been believed to be used as a tool to convey / express empathy:

a. Maintain contact / gaze

Contact / gaze with respect to the direction of the counselor's eyes when he spoke with the counselee. The look states what kind of empathy? This of course varies or may vary from one culture to another. Sebgai example, in Western culture in general, look directly towards the eye while it is communicating counselees considered more empathic because of the actions that indicate a willingness to listen and understand. But keep in mind the direct gaze should not be scary or make counselee scared, nervous, or uncomfortable. Empathic gaze that is looking towards the midpoint between the two eyes counselee in a gentle way and shifted his gaze to each several times by following the eye gaze direction of the counselee. In European culture, maintaining eye contact while listening to indicate the presence of empathy.

b. Leaned toward the counselee

 
How to position the body as a whole counselor before konselinturut affect compassion. For example, counselors who leans slightly toward the counselee considered more empathic. Conversely, counselors who leaned backward while talking to counselees judged to be empathetic because menindikasikan counselors lack of willingness to actively listen to what the counselee. Therefore, it is recommended to onselor leaned toward the counselee while it is communicating with him, both when the communication took place by way of sitting or standing. In addition, counselors also need to expose the body to the counselee and not the other way.

c. Attitudes Hands and Feet

 
How to control the arms legs counselor when you're communicating with the counselee also affect the quality of empathy. For example, in Western culture in general, sit on my hands, bersedeku, or always to move their limbs, especially legs, are benntuk nonverbal behaviors that are not empathetic. For that counselors should avoid these behaviors. To pay attention to empathic response, the counselor can take a position open arms, like putting both hands on the chair arm or on his lap. Similarly, the foot should not be appointed to the top and / or digerak-move.

d. Following the movement of the counselee.

Following the counselee movement (pacing) is to adjust behavior appropriately to the behavior of the counselee. For example, when the counselee seemed agitated and / or cry when told something, the counselor can dwell for a moment to give a chance to shed the burden of psychological counselee; when counselees looked in one direction, the counselor's eyes followed the direction of the counselee; counselors adjust the seat to the sitting position counselee ; counselor exposes his body to the counselee while it is communicating (not tilted) with him, and so on

e. Provide touch

Entuhan can declare a support or understanding. Touches (Touching) is a form of action touching the body (usually hands) into the body of the counselee. The touch can be done in several ways, for example, patting backs counselee or hold her hand (for the purpose of strengthening his heart). Another way to give a touch is to embrace the counselee when they are expressing deep sadness, or shake hands with a warm congratulations and happy when the counselee is also rejoice that are experiencing success. Of course keep in mind certain limits in providing a touch according to the norms or the demands of the prevailing culture in the context of the counselee's life with respect to what is appropriate and inappropriate.

f. Maintaining Physical Distance

Physical distance between points distance counselor and counselee position while it is communicating. Physical distance between counselor-counselee is generally regarded contain the value of empathy is about half to one meter., Either when sitting or standing. Nevertheless, the most crucial with regard to physical distance is not kenselor and counselee can listen to each other about what was clearly communicated by both of them in a reasonable volume (not shouting and not a whisper).

g. Noting Time

Time (timing) can also be used to communicate empathy. For example, counselors who arrive on time or as a promise that has been established more frequently late in fulfilling a promise or agreement with either.

2.  Verbal Empathy

 
Vebal many ways that can be used by counselors to communicate empathic but neither will be communicated here. Here inio will only be given verbal ways of communicating empathy Hackney & Cormier (2001) is considered sufficient to serve as a model. Hackney & Cormier suggested some form of verbal empathy: Attention believe verbal (verbal attentiveness), exploratory statement, asking for an explanation, reflect counselees message content, reflecting the feelings of the counselee, and summarizes the theme of the message counselee. All forms of verbal behavior verbal empathy is often incorporated into the elements of basic counseling skills so-called listening skills (Attending and listening skills) (Egan, 1991; Ivey, et al, 1997), Here is a description of the concept and examples of forms The verbal empathy:

a. Giving attention to verbal

The most common way to express verbal attention is to use short verbal impulses such as, "Mm-hmm," "I know," "Good," "then?" And so on. If used selectively, these brief remarks can have very powerful effects to communicate the interest and encourage the expression of counselee counselor. However, if the responses are used in excess it can damage (inhibit) the counselee self-exploration. Lai verbal forms of attention can be expressed in pressure or volume. Counselors need to learn to use your voice effectively and adapt to the volume, and the average conversation. There is one important concept that needs to get attention and empathy to communicate verbally, the verbal Undermining - manipulation of volume and pressure (Ivey, 1994), Ivey, et al (1997) also introduced the focus of as aspects of verbal attention. Concentrating (focusing) - often referred to as selective Attending - refers to the counselor attempts to select important aspects of the message in response to the counselee.

b. Asking Questions.

In counseling, the counselor often need to reveal things that are not told by the counselee or counselees untiuk should encourage more extensive and in-depth talk about what has been told. To achieve this goal, the counselor can use questioning techniques. Form of a question that is deemed better to bring in information is an open question. Open questions are questions that invite broad answers, descriptions, stories, and not answer the open questions are questions that invite broad answers, descriptions, stories, and not a yes or no answer. The form of this question is often called exploratory question or questions to dig up information (Probing, or inguiry quistioning).

c. Ask for explanation.

 
Ask for an explanation - in technical language diebut "clarification" (Clarification). Clarification is a form of questions to seek clarification on some or all messages that have not counselee / unclear or ambiguous. Message obscurity caused by the counselee counselees often express a message or perceive problems or other events related to the problem ituatasdasar internal frame of reference. Among the messages that may be vague is that use inclusive terms (she, they), ambiguous phrases (you know ...., mother knows ....), and words that have double meanings (my father was hard .....). Clarification always starts with the form and begins with frasi questions like: "What do you mean by .... "Or" Can you tell me more detail about .... ? "Followed by repeating part or all of the statements you wish to clarify counselee.

d. Reflecting Content.

Reflecting the contents of the message - in technical language called the Paraphrase (paraphrase) - is a form of verbal response to restate words or principal-poko counselee express thoughts in the story. However, an effective paraphrase is not just a re-statement mimicked the counselee, but it captures an idea or mainstream of the counselee message and then expressed with words alone. It can be said, paraphrasing focus on the cognitive part of the message counselee. Menrupakan paraphrase an important condition for developing the relationship, because through paraphrasing counselee will perceive that the counselor wants to listen and understand, and this of course encourages the counselee to further elaborate on his thoughts. Paraphrasing also enables the counselee to focus more attention on the situation, behavior, and certain thoughts.

The use of paraphrasing in a counseling relationship memeiliki several purposes. The first objective is to declare to the counselee that the counselor understands what he says and thus can generate trust. Second goal, Paraphrase can encourage the counselee to elaborate on the underlying point. It's important we want the counselee sebb want membeicarakan an important topic that is being dirisaukannya in more depth. Third goal, use of paraphrasing in a counseling relationship can help the counselee to focus on situations or special events, thoughts, or behavior. Here's an example:
Counselee "Yes sir, I understand if I just sit in class and not pay attention to what was described by teachers as well as make important records, I will not be able to master the lesson well."

Counselor "Great, so you know what you should do if you want to be able to master the lessons well and became a successful student."

e. Reflecting Feelings counselee

Reflecting the feelings of the counselee - Feelings commonly called Reflection (Reflection of Feeling) is basically identical to paraphrase but different focus. If the paraphrase focus on the content of the message (kognitf component), then the focus of reflection on emotions or feelings that accompany the message it conveys (affective component). So the reflection is a form of verbal responses to reflect (reflect) back counselee feelings or emotions implicit in the statement conveys. Cormier & Cormier (1985) promoted to 5 (five) goals reflecting feelings in relationship counseling, as follows:

1) To express an interest in the counselee that the counselor try to understand it. Feeling understood this in turn will encourage the counselee to speak more broadly.

2) To encourage the counselee to express deeper feelings - both positive and negative - about an event, person, or whatever. Counselees often not ready to tell her feelings because they are not to do so, especially in male counselee. Expression of feeling rather than a final destination, but it can be used as a tool to help the counselee understand the problem.

 
3) To help the counselee to manage her feelings. Learning to manage feelings is very important, especially when the counselee experiencing such intense feeling very scared, very nervous, or very angry. Strong emotions can affect (inhibit) the ability of the counselee to make a rational response (cognitive or behavioral) to pressure.

 
4) To deal with the emergence of negative feelings toward the counselee counselees or counselor. If the counselee feel uncomfortable or uneasy with the assistance offered by the counselor, then they see themselves going to be defensive, reluctant, and even rejected. The use of reflection in this case is to sensitize the counselee that the counselor understand his feelings.

5) To help the counselee to distinguish various kinds of feelings they experienced. Counselee often describe feelings in words such as: anxiety, depression, worry, and so often it does not really describe what The real is being felt. For example, the counselee may say "I'm anxious" to express feelings of anger, disgust, disappointment, or depression.
Counselee: "I do not like math because it is very difficult. "
(Expression counselee "I'm not happy mathematics," states the affective / emotional, and the statement, "Math is hard lesson" merukan the cognition).
Counselor: "Looks like you have to feel helpless to deal with your difficulties in mathematics."

Counselee: "I do not know how I should tell my boyfriend if I wanted to break up with him. I was afraid he was angry, sad, etc.. But I have to say it. "
(Two of the first sentence is part of the contents because it describes the situation of a desire to sever the relationship; third sentence is a part of emotion).
Counselor: "Hm ... it seems you feel pressured to sever ties with your boyfriend.

f. Summarizes

Summarizes the means uniting several messages counselee one topic or theme into the core. Summary also serves to reviewing progress of each phase of counseling. Operationally, summary can be defined as a merger of two or more paraphrasing and / or reflection to condense messages counselee at each end of the session, or from messages counselee a complex and lengthy that contain many elements

Bibliography

Bolton, R. 2000. People Skills. How to assert Yourself Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts, Sidney: Printice Hall

Carkhuff, R.R. & Anthony, W.A. 1979, The Skill Of Helping. Massachussetts:Human Resource Development Press

Cormier, W.H. & Cormier, L.S, 1998, Interviewing Strategies for Helpers. Fundamentals Skills and Cognitive Behavioral Interventions, 2^nd.ed. Monterey, California: Brooks/Cole Publishing  Company

Egan, G. 1998, The Skilled Helper A Systematice Approach to Effective Helping 6^th.ed. Pacific Grove, California Brooks/Cole Publishing Company